And just like that suddenly everything was different...

I found this quote online and it really sums up my current situation.

I had joked before heading to Rarotonga that I needed to get off the bus that was the madness of my life - travelling, working, studying and somewhere in there being a wife and Mum, never mind finding time for myself. However, the Universe answered back with a completely different version of getting of the bus than I had intended.

We were delighted to return to the island that had seen us relax and reconnect with each other the year before. The sights, the beauty, island time, cocktail hour and of course being away from the world at home due to their expensive internet and mobile phone services were welcomed with excitement as we flew out of New Zealand on Tuesday, landing in Rarotonga after time travelling back to Monday.

Following breakfast on our first full day we had headed to the resort booking office to book the island safari tour we had decided would be a great way to see the interior of the island, and then head for a walk along the beach. However the office was busy so we decided to switch and go for our walk first.

The tide was heading out as we arrived but not to the point that the little fish and crabs had gone from the rock pools. The beach is mainly sand with the odd areas of rocky atoll poking through as the tide recedes as in the image below. The rocks were a little slippery and, as we came to the end of them in front of the building we were staying in, I went to put my foot down - I remember being about to place it onto rock with the step onto the sand being just a little too big. That is the last thing I remember about the fall - thankfully. I do not remember the slip, the probably very ungraceful and definitely fast descent to have my left hand, shoulder and temple impact with the rocks. No, the next thing I remember is pulling my very sore head off the rocks, checking my hand as it was sore, but not registering either of them were bleeding as I was seeing more than one of them at the time. I was pretty dazed - too dazed to be frightened. My husband waited for me to signal I needed a hand up. He reports hearing a noise and catching the last second of the fall as he looked around from his position slightly in front and to the right of me. Getting up brought on a wave of dizziness as did an attempt to continue our walk. Little did I know that those few seconds, which I did not realise I could not recall at all until about three weeks later, would change my world for possibly the next two years.

I had just stepped off the bus.

The rocks in the foreground are the ones I slipped on... how silly do I feel with the damage they did!

As I attempted to walk more I registered a growing red patch on my shirt where my hand kept brushing against it and realised I needed to get back to the room to clean up the bumps and scrapes on my hand and head before they became infected, as well as rest until the dazed and dizzy feeling went away. I washed out my shirt as best I could with the hotel soap, cleaned myself up, applied Voltaren gel to the growing lumps on my hand, shoulder and face, and tried to tell myself I was okay - get up, dust self down, move on was my feeling. We planned to go into Avarua later in the morning to stock up on plasters and Dettol.

As we returned to the booking office to sort out our trip I had said to my husband that I thought we should delay until Friday if we could so I had a bit of recovery time (the accident occurred Tuesday in Rarotonga time, Wednesday our time). However the booking agent let us know that this was not a good idea as not many had booked for Friday at that stage and the trip may not go - so we booked for the following morning.

By the time this was done I knew I was concussed. My head was throbbing, I could feel the bruising and swelling starting and needed to get both Panadol and ice sorted. We are both trained in First Aid - hubby's is current, mine has lapsed - and were aware of the treatment for concussion. Had I vomited or actually realised I had lost consciousness at that point we would have made the trip to the hospital. I had done neither so we treated it as we knew it should be. Ice, rest and seek medical help if anything changed.
But nothing did - the whole week of the trip. Sure I was tired after our amazing trip the next day, the black eye appeared, I had to get hubby to read for me as my glasses had saved me from a complete rock smash to the temple but the arm on the left was now broken and they were sitting on my face skewed. Our days consisted of mornings out and about, afternoons resting and sleeping, evenings in search of dinner away from the resort and I still had a cocktail or two from the third night until we left. Even the flight home was only made uncomfortable as I had developed a sinus cold with the change in climate and my ears felt like they were going to explode as we descended into Auckland.

The black eye was not even that bad - there was a line hidden by my hair where my glasses had bruised my head and scrapes also hidden by my fringe.

However, after we returned to normality things changed. As I tried to return to normal function I found myself incredibly tired and with an almost constant headache. I still finished the planning for and facilitating of a final session in a series of workshops I had been running. I rested over the weekend but one trip into town in particular alerted me to the fact I was not doing so well with my driving. As a result my husband used his days off to take me through to Ohakune and drive me to the schools I had to visit for my job in the back of Taihape on the Monday and Tuesday. Feeling carsick was a new experience, dizziness on turning, falling asleep on the couch for an hour in the middle of the day and then sleeping a solid 11 hours at night were also new and not normal experiences - all occurring over the space of those two days. I could not make my writing as neat as it should be, and the final straw was not being able to work out how to work out which of three taps was on the right. Something was seriously wrong.

A visit to the doctor the next day had me diagnosed with concussion, a week after my initial visit where all the bangs and bumps were recorded for ACC but during which I had had no sign of the impending concussion. The doctor assured me this was normal - the symptoms I was experiencing can appear up to two weeks later. He put me off work for two weeks. Little did I know that two weeks would grow and at this point I am wondering when I will actually return to work.

I was referred to the concussion clinic which I previously had not known existed. I have been assigned an occupational therapist to help me with managing my symptoms, particularly the fatigue. I was also assigned a concussion physiothrapist who was able to get my nausea under control with manipulation of my head which, apparently, shifts the crystals floating where they shouldn't be in the middle ear back into their rightful position. Before this happened properly I was living on anti nausea medication, unable to cope with being in the car (eyes were shut), feeling sick as the hairdresser moved around in front of me during my haircut (eyes had to be shut), unable to manage being in an environment with people moving around. Fast moving TV shows and movies were out which I had not realised until my daughter asked why I was watching a lot of slow moving or depressing drama (Handmaid's Tale, Downton Abbey are two examples). There was not a lot of movement and I could focus on a face or just shut my eyes and listen to the story.

I have researched what happened and why my recovery seems to be going at a snail's pace. When I hit my head imagine the ball in the image below is the rock I landed on. Not only did I have impact as shown there, but impact from standing, therefore add in speed and my not insignificant weight and my poor brain was pretty bruised up. Not only did I bruise the side of the brain where the impact happened but I also made a good job of bruising the brain on the right side towards the back where the counter blow as below was situated. I have whiplash symptoms in my neck as well. A CT scan has come back clear for any brain bleeds and I am reassured - a little - by the doctors insistence that it is a matter of time, rest and patience.

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I have definitely stepped off the bus - but who knows for who knows how long? I am accepting it with the mantra that it is what it is and things will improve over time.